A Healing Heart One Month Later

It's been one month since we were led to the lonely government building in Guangzhou.  It was lonely only on that week on that day because very few families were adopting due to the holiday.  I will never forget the moment when I first saw her peek around that corner.  My heart stopped, the tears flowed, I wanted so bad to ease her pain, but truthfully couldn't.  I couldn't make all the hurt go away just by being there.  The pain she had endured surely wasn't fair for one who had only been on this earth two short years.  She was frightened, shaking, crying, and screaming momma.  There was nothing I could do to make her understand that this time we were not going to give her away, but I knew at that moment that everything would be okay.  I knew that we could heal her broken heart, that we could teach her to love again and that love was not going to go away, but it would take time.  How much time?  One only knows, but I knew that this little girl with time was going to let go and trust again.  And she did......she has!  You see that's the miracle of this entire thing.  She is willing to open up that little heart of hers to us even when it had been shattered into a million pieces time and time again.  She has slowly let down her guard and we are loving her little personality.  She is so full of life and excitement.  Everyone who meets her notices her smile, her look that seems to say, "Finally I'm where I belong."  The boys absolutely adore her, but even that took time. In this short month she has been to church, went down a slide, rode on a 4 wheeler, jumped on a trampoline, let daddy hold her, been to her first birthday party, got her first American girl doll, played with her baby dolls,  visited with Nana and Pops, had girl play dates, played hide n go seek with her brothers, went shopping, went to chuckie cheese, but most importantly she has learned how to pick up the pieces of her broken heart and put them back together. Words cannot express how grateful we are for this little girl, a girl that we have dreamed about for years, our Sweet Caroline.  

The first time we saw her in person.  Look how scared she looks.

She's trying to get up enough nerve to pet the cat.

She loves her Pops.

Her and Nana have something special.

Her first family birthday party.  Happy Birthday Hayden.....we love you!

He loves to push her around.

She loves Ramen Noodles.

She's going to fit right in.....she loves to ride the 4-wheeler.

Her first American Girl Doll.

This is the way they sleep most nights.  Melts a mommas heart!  

She can talk on the phone.....not really.  

Dreams really do come true........my daughter, my Caroline!  

One Week Home Today

We have been home one week today and it has been a week to remember.  Caroline has adjusted well, but then she got sick.  Have I mentioned how much she hates doctors visits?  Well, she does.  She screams the entire time in the office.  She was sent home with a breathing machine.  I do the treatments every 4 hours.  She has come so far, but we are yet to figure out the sleeping situation.  She falls asleep early and is up around 3:30 am.  Bummer for me!  I do get to take a nap with her because the boys have been to school and daycare.  My sister has helped yet again and my dad has been coming on these very cold mornings to take the boys to school.  Caroline went to her very first birthday party and did well, but I over did it and she got way tired before we left.  She has let some people hold her and some not....we cannot figure out her pattern.  She seems to feel secure with men which is nice, but still will not let my mom or sister hold her and they are trying so hard.  I know she will come around, but it is hard when they just want to grab her up.  I'm not sure we could love this child any more than we do now!  

We Made It!

This post is a little late and those that have adopted will understand why I haven't blogged until now:) Things are going good, but we are all still getting used to having a toddler in the house. Our trip home was uneventful really. Caroline slept 10 of the 13 hour flight and we slept on and off which was nice. When we got to Detroit our plane was delayed an hour, but we were so tired it honestly didn't matter. When we arrived in the Nashville airport we were exhausted, but I knew my boys were waiting. I turned the corner and there they were. I left Brad with all the luggage, which wasn't very nice I know, and took off running. I ran all the way to them. I just can't descibe how grateful I am to all the people that showed their support. This part of the journey is over for us and a new one at home begins.

           

                                              

A big Kentucky welcome home! 

A night I will never forget!

How cute is this?

I've never been happier!

No words needed here!  

Love this man....who else would follow this crazy lady to China?  

I couldn't have made it without Barb!  

So glad you guys came!

The boys!

Even daycare made signs!

Caroline gets a chance to meet everyone!

Good Bye China

We leave tomorrow morning at 6:30 a.m. for the Guangzhou airport.  We catch our flight for Shanghai at 9:00 and then we have a 6 hour layover before getting on our 13 hour flight to Detroit.  Caroline will become a US citizen once we pass through US immigration there.  Our flight will land in Nashville at 10:13 p.m. where after 27 hours of travel we will be welcomed by family and friends.  We cannot wait to see everyone!  

This journey has been nothing short of amazing!  As I look out the window at the busy street and flashing lights I think about Caroline and all that she is leaving behind and all that she's gaining.  She is leaving behind the place where she was born.  She's leaving behind her birth mother that I'm sure wonders where she is tonight.  She's leaving behind a foster mother that provided the closest thing to a family she's ever had.  She's leaving behind those kids in the orphanage where some will never know the love of a family.  She's leaving behind a culture that she will never really embrace.  She is leaving behind so much, but gaining so much at the same time.  She is gaining a mother, father, and brothers.  She's gaining grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. She's gaining the feeling of stability.  She's gaining what it means to love unconditionally.  

I don't want anyone to think that adoption is easy because it has been one of the hardest things we have ever done.  Caroline has done great, but she is still grieving, still insecure in new places, and still trying to figure out what having a mom and dad means.  Before I saw her face I wondered how I would feel when I finally got to hold her and the truth is I felt the same as I did when I held my boys for the first time.  I knew when I held her that I would do whatever it took to earn her trust and here we are 10 days after meeting her and she has come so far.  She has a strong little heart that is mending day by day. So, has it been easy? No.  Is it worth it?  Yes, Yes and Yes!

My heart is full of thankfulness tonight.  I'm thankful that we pushed through to the end, thankful for family that have taken care of our boys, thankful that we get to bring home our girl and thankful for all that have followed along.  This is the last post before we head home.  We will see you guys on the other side of the world, back home in Kentucky, with our sons and DAUGHTER!  

  

The US Consulate = One Step Closer To Home

Today started with breakfast again......we are not as enthused about breakfast as we were the first couple of days, but it is good.  Then it was off to the US Consulate.  We met another adoptive family there from Florida.  They do not allow any cameras in there so no pictures of the inside.  I did get a glimpse of Caroline's passport before they took it to issue her visa.  It was strange to see the picture because I have not seen it before.  I wondered how many there are of her that I have yet to see?  We were allowed to pass though all the people waiting to get in.  They all watched us closely and acted as if they were amazed we were adopting, many of them thanking us.  While inside we took an oath that everything we have done was correct.  They looked over our documents and then got Brads fingerprints.  After that it was time to head back to the hotel.  Tomorrow we will get Caroline's passport, visa and all the documents we need to make her a US citizen once we hit the good ole USA!  This is the last thing we need and we are beyond ready to head home!  

Oh how she loves the noodles at breakfast.  

The US consulate.

Brad is taking her picture so she decided to take his.

She's worn out and ready to head home too.....hope she doesn't think we live here in the hotel!  

A Day of Shopping

Brad and I decided that we were going to venture out alone without our guide today.  We took a taxi back to Shamain Island to shop for gifts, squeaky shoes and just to get out.  That may sound like an easy task, but when the taxi driver doesn't speak English and you have no idea where it is it can be quite scary, but we made it there and back.  It is nice there, but the people who work in the shops are pushy.  We ate at a place called Lucy's which was great.  While we were eating we had a couple come talk to us.  They are from Idaho and just visiting there.  They thought Caroline was so cute and I have to agree.  We went in one shop and the Chinese lady there struck up a conversation with me.  She asked me if I had any other children and when I told her I had two boys she told me that I would be looked at very highly in China because of my sons.  She said she has two girls and prays to God every night that she would have a boy next.  That made me think....while she was praying for a boy, I was praying for a girl.  We got ours and I sure hope she gets her boy.  

It's beautiful here and 70 degrees.

This toy sings Chinese songs and she loves it.  She will sing along and dance.  We have no idea what it's saying.  

The famous "Lucy's" among adoptive parents.  

The trees in the park are so pretty.

I think we bought too much, but we will likely never be back.

The park is right on the river.

I'm thinking maybe I over did it with the squeaky shoes......

What Would We Do?

I wanted to add photos of the boys that have been taken while we were gone.  Thanks to everyone who has helped with them.   I have missed them so much but every time I log onto Facebook they look like they are having so much fun.  I will never be able to repay each of you for helping us while we get our precious Caroline.  I honestly don't even know how to put into words how grateful I am.  You guys are a part of this story that made our dreams come true and helped our sweet Caroline come home to her forever family.  The pictures have kept me going and believe it or not I have not had any "break downs" yet.  We miss you all!  What would we do without you?  

P.S. - I'm still not sure if they will even want to come home because aunt Lori is just so cool!