Home Six Months Today

Where does the time go? We have been home 6 months today with Caroline. It's hard to believe that just 6 months ago she was handed to us in the quiet building in Guangzhou. She cried, screamed out momma and ran from us as we tried to comfort her. She has come so far in just a short time. There are times when she amazes me in what she is able to understand, speak and do. She loves her brothers dearly. She now calls only me momma and she wants to know where her daddy is every minute. Caroline completes our family and I honestly don't know how we got this lucky. She is the missing piece to our family.

First Swim Day and We Love It

My Nephew Clears the Fence

Yesterday during a ball game my nephew hit one out and Caroline just happened to be there! I'm so sad I didn't get to see it because I do go to many of his games. Way to go JOHN!! We are so proud of you.

Happy 40th Brad!

Yesterday was Brad's 40th birthday! Where has time gone? It seems like yesterday we were in our twenties. I guess the old saying is true. Time flies when you're having fun. We spent the day working in the yard, at ball practice and then we finally got to go out to eat with NO kids.....WOW! Hope you had a great birthday!!!

On This Mother's Day

This Mother's Day feels so different for so many reasons.  First, our family is finally complete and that's a great feeling!  Second, Caroline's birth mother is out there somewhere and I can't help but wonder where she is, what she is doing and how she must feel.  Last, my eyes have been opened to all those kids that will never know the love of a mother.  

I must first talk about my own mother and what she means to me.  She is someone who I talk with just to talk.  It seems like we can talk for hours and really not talk about anything.  I never remember her missing a ball game, a talent show, a school function or anything that meant something special to me. You could always count on her being there cheering you on.  If you don't know Carol Kay then you might not know that she would take up for us in a minute if she believed we were in the right.  The boys love her and to Caroline she is something she's never had....a Nana.  

Then it's my own kids, the kids who call me Mom.  Each of my kids are so very different in their own way.  Cole is my kid who never meets a stranger, can always find something to do, and has a heart of gold.  Luke is my kid who has a temper,  fights for what he believes is right, and questions everything.  Caroline is my kid who is very strong willed, loves her momma deeply and knows what real loss feels like.  All of them so unique, so special and deserving of a momma's love.  I'm so proud of each of them.

Last but certainly not least is something that has honestly caught me off guard.  I never thought I would think about two women so much who are half a world away.  Two women who mean so much to me, but will never know.  First, is the woman who gave birth to our Caroline.  The one who chose to give her life, the one who cared for her from the time she was born until the time she was three months old,  the one who left her on that busy street corner to save her life.  I feel certain that she thinks about her today, I'm sure she wonders if she's still alive.  I would love to be able to tell her that Caroline is doing great, I would love to be able to see if she resembles her mother, I would love to be able to see if her mother is as strong willed as she is, I would love to know her side of the story.  All of these things haunt me today and I wasn't expecting that before we adopted.  Second, is Caroline's foster mother whom I never got to meet.  This woman provided the closest thing to a mother that Caroline has ever had for 5 months.   There are days when I watch her and I know that someone taught her what she knows today.  She was well cared for and certainly knew what it meant to love and be loved.  So today and every day I will honor the two women that played a part in our Caroline being here with us in our family right where she belongs.  

So, on this Mother's Day I appreciate my mom and all she does for us.  I will cherish my own kids and their unique personalities.  I will honor two women in China, one that chose life and one that nurtured our girl until she was in our arms.  

When The Doctors Tell You What You Don't Want To Hear

Let me start this post by saying that right now there are no words to describe how I feel. To me the world has stopped for a couple of days. On Tuesday the doctors told us that Caroline's lymphangioma is worse that what they had originally thought. Her heart is functioning like it is supposed to now and at this time there is not fluid surrounding her heart or in her lungs which is great news. When the doctor came into the room and said, "I want you to think about how well Caroline is doing today while I go through this." my heart dropped. The tears filled my eyes although I was determined not to cry. After all, we knew Caroline had this special need so I should have been prepared......right? My heart and mind were supposed to be ready to hear this...right? Wrong! As she began to explain what was going on inside her body the tears filled up until my eyes just couldn't hold them I turned around to look at Brad and then there they went. I listened and cried and listened some more and cried some more. The doctors explained to us that the lymphangioma or tumors that she has are benign, but there is a possibility if they continue to grow they might interfere with some of her main organs. After hearing all the information it was time for me to ask the question that had been on my mind since the doctors came into the room. I couldn't find the words, my heart was broken, but I knew it had to be asked. "Could this be life threatening for her?" Then I heard the answer I surely didn't want to hear, "Yes, it could be, but there are adults who have lived long active lives." The doctors then told us about a medication that she will be taking soon that might stop the growth or even reduce what is there. Our hope right now is that this medication works for our Caroline and that she is able to tolerate it. Today, Caroline is doing great and is so full of life. I looked down at my precious girl who had already been through so much and I began to ask why in world she had to be put through this. How is this fair? As I walked out of the doctors office on Tuesday I was in disbelief......I still am. I'm still trying to wrap my head around all of this and what it means for her. I do know one thing right now and that is she is a fighter. She is one of the most strong willed kids I have ever seen and I've been around a lot of kids. This time those characteristics just might pay off for her. With all this being said we are in need of your prayers. So when the doctors tell you what you don't want to hear you have to keep going, cherish every day and trust that God is pulling you down this path for a reason.

Caroline's Special Need

I haven't shared this on my blog for the sake of protecting Caroline, but I made up my mind that maybe I could help someone else if I did share. Most people that are close to me know that to China Caroline is considered special needs. She was on the special needs list. We knew that the little girl we were going to adopt would have a special need of some sort, but we did not know what at the time. When we saw Caroline's file we immediately fell in love with her, we knew she was the one. Now came the hard part, to open up the file and read her medical report. To read what little information was provided to us. There it was the word lymphangioma. Lymphangiomas are malformations of the lymphatic system. These malformations can occur at any age and may involve any part of the body, but 90% occur in children less than 2 years of age and involve the head and neck. It was a foreign term to us so I began searching and searching for answers. I knew she was ours in my heart, but I was reading some pretty scary stuff. I gave her file to a pediatrician who gave us the worst and best case scenario. In the report we knew that Caroline had a benign tumor removed from her neck, but there was one left in her chest that was very close to her heart. I prayed, I cried, I read, I talked with my closest of friends and family, I stayed awake at night. What in the world did this mean for us? What did it mean for this little girl? Was she the one even though she had this special need...a special need we knew nothing about? A special need that scared us to death. We had three days to say yes or no to this little girl. A little girl that had captured my heart. Sometime during those three days we found peace. Peace that we could handle whatever came our way, peace that we could provide the best medical care possible for her, peace that she was ours!! So with that we said, "yes"!

Deep down I was scared to death. Deep down I'm still scared to death. I'm scared because the time is finally here. We are taking Caroline to Cincinnati for a MRI on Monday. The MRI should let us know what the next step is for her medical care. This is a trip I have been nervous about since I first saw the word lymphangioma. I have faith in the doctors there. Faith that they will do what is best for her. Do I regret saying yes to our Caroline? Absolutely not!! She is smart, sassy, strong willed and she is my girl. Is she special needs? I'll let you make up your mind once you meet her. Please say a special prayer for Caroline and the doctors as we go through tests Monday and Tuesday.