Why in the world am I still awake?

Have you ever had one of those nights where you just can't sleep? Well, I do occasionally and tonight is one of those. It is 1:50 A.M. and I am in the bed wide awake and have been for a good hour. The funny thing is last night Luke kept me awake all night. I think this might be because his ears still hurt. We go Friday to see if they are possibly going to put tubes in his ears. Anyhow, how in the world can I be so sleepy the night before and can't sleep because of Luke and tonight both boys are sleeping good and now I can't sleep to save my life? That just doesn't make any sense!! Brad is still working nights and oh how I can't wait until he gets off work so I don't feel so impatient with the boys. When I am here by myself I have to do all the discipline and Cole cried tonight saying, "Mom you always are fussing at me." Really? Well the truth of the matter is I am and need to stop, but it is so hard being here alone and trying to manage the both of them. A big praise goes out to all the single mothers!! I really don't want to be a bad mom, but after a full day of work with kids and then home to cook, clean, change diapers, wash clothes, ect. I am tired. Really tired. Trying to do everything at the end of the day spreads myself so thin that I don't even like that person. What can I do to change? Well, I need to be more patient and realize that Cole is only four. He deserves to have a mother that is patient and wants to paint with him, draw with him, read with him at night, and answer all those millions of questions that a four year old has. Luke deserves to have a mother that will hold him, read to him, play on the floor and kiss him goodnight. I do do this stuff and don't want you readers to think I don't, but if I said I do it every night I would be lying. I am going to take this a baby step at a time and start trying to be more patient in one way. Such as reading with Cole EVERY night. So what if the laudry is not all caught up? So what if there are toys out on the floor? I guess maybe I am wide awake because I have a lot on my mind right now. Now that I have said whats on my mind and my goal has been set maybe I can sleep.