On This Mother's Day

This Mother's Day feels so different for so many reasons.  First, our family is finally complete and that's a great feeling!  Second, Caroline's birth mother is out there somewhere and I can't help but wonder where she is, what she is doing and how she must feel.  Last, my eyes have been opened to all those kids that will never know the love of a mother.  

I must first talk about my own mother and what she means to me.  She is someone who I talk with just to talk.  It seems like we can talk for hours and really not talk about anything.  I never remember her missing a ball game, a talent show, a school function or anything that meant something special to me. You could always count on her being there cheering you on.  If you don't know Carol Kay then you might not know that she would take up for us in a minute if she believed we were in the right.  The boys love her and to Caroline she is something she's never had....a Nana.  

Then it's my own kids, the kids who call me Mom.  Each of my kids are so very different in their own way.  Cole is my kid who never meets a stranger, can always find something to do, and has a heart of gold.  Luke is my kid who has a temper,  fights for what he believes is right, and questions everything.  Caroline is my kid who is very strong willed, loves her momma deeply and knows what real loss feels like.  All of them so unique, so special and deserving of a momma's love.  I'm so proud of each of them.

Last but certainly not least is something that has honestly caught me off guard.  I never thought I would think about two women so much who are half a world away.  Two women who mean so much to me, but will never know.  First, is the woman who gave birth to our Caroline.  The one who chose to give her life, the one who cared for her from the time she was born until the time she was three months old,  the one who left her on that busy street corner to save her life.  I feel certain that she thinks about her today, I'm sure she wonders if she's still alive.  I would love to be able to tell her that Caroline is doing great, I would love to be able to see if she resembles her mother, I would love to be able to see if her mother is as strong willed as she is, I would love to know her side of the story.  All of these things haunt me today and I wasn't expecting that before we adopted.  Second, is Caroline's foster mother whom I never got to meet.  This woman provided the closest thing to a mother that Caroline has ever had for 5 months.   There are days when I watch her and I know that someone taught her what she knows today.  She was well cared for and certainly knew what it meant to love and be loved.  So today and every day I will honor the two women that played a part in our Caroline being here with us in our family right where she belongs.  

So, on this Mother's Day I appreciate my mom and all she does for us.  I will cherish my own kids and their unique personalities.  I will honor two women in China, one that chose life and one that nurtured our girl until she was in our arms.