Caroline is Officially Ours

Today began with breakfast.  A breakfast buffet like I have never seen!  They have everything from omelets made to order to lamb burgers.  I stay away from the lamb burger but have enjoyed the breakfast nonetheless.  Caroline has a great appetite and will eat almost anything. When she doesn't want something she will shake her head no.  When we went to get up from the table Brad and I stood up first and when we went to get her out of the high chair she was crying.  Brad bent down and told her that we would never leave her.  When we looked at each other we both had tears in our eyes.  She has every right to think that we will leave her.  She was left at 3 months old, went into the orphanage, then to foster care and then back to the orphanage.  That is one thing that I notice most about her.  In new situations she gets very uneasy.  She puts on a serious face and tries not to cry, she tries to be strong but you can see the fear in her eyes.  After breakfast we met our guide downstairs to go sign more documents.  We went through more streets of people buying and selling stuff.  We passed a hospital with people outside on the sidewalk on stretchers.  It was mind blowing to see and just really hard to explain.  Then we went inside the very building we got her in yesterday.  Brad and I both thought she would cry, but she again gave that face that says I'm really trying to be strong.  It literally breaks your heart.  More money was exchanged and papers signed.  We promised to always take care of her and to never abandon her.  Then we were off again to the notary.  More paperwork and interviews for us.  They gave us her finding add that they ran in the paper when she was found.  They asked us more questions and then she became officially ours.  We promised to love her forever as we do our own biological children.  We decided to celebrate by going to McDonalds.  It was nice because it was a lot like home.  Caroline loved the chicken nuggets and French fries.  Yes, I gave her french fries even though I was advised not to give her fries because they are unhealthy.  I'm sure they're right, but how could we say no!  After that it was nap time. Lets just say this girl loves to sleep.  She is so cute when she tries to go to sleep because she plays with her hands until she falls asleep.  When she woke up it was time for dinner so we went to a Chinese restaurant where we learned she can feed herself and is really good at it.  Then it was out to look at all the lights.  It has been an amazing journey so far!  We are taking one day at a time with her as she learns what having a mom and dad is all about.  Goodnight from China!   

P.S. - I'm really starting to miss my boys:(. This may sound easy but it's not.  I have loved every minute of this experience but a large piece of my heart is still missing!  

Her first trip to McDonalds.

At the notary office!  

On our way!  The different sights we saw.

Eating Chinese at the hotel.  She can feed herself and Brads learning to eat with chopsticks.

Outside our hotel.....it's beautiful!

These girls just love her!  

Goodnight from China!!!

We Gotcha and You're Perfect

Where do I even begin?  This day will go down as one of the most memorable days of my entire life.  Just like the birth of my boys.  I will try to describe this the best way I can.  We met our guide downstairs at 2:00 pm.  She was right on time and quickly asked for documents that we needed to bring with us along with the money.  After that we were loaded into a van and off we went.  My heart was racing, my mind going a hundred miles an hour.  We passed through tiny little streets with people selling stuff, bicycles piled high with merchandise, and cars driving crazy.  That is one thing about China....they are crazy drivers!  Brad loves it!  On we went while our guide talked to us about Chinese culture.  Some of her words I heard and some I didn't.  My mind just wasn't ready to hear that yet, I was too focused on what was about to happen.  Once in the building we were taken up to the 8th floor and asked to sign some paperwork.  My teeth were chattering together so loudly that I was sure everyone could hear.   I couldn't get them to stop.  After the papers were signed they brought her out of a small room.  She saw me and immediately began to cry and scream.  She wanted nothing to do with me or Brad.  I tried to get a toy out to show her, but that wasn't working either.  A man, who I'm guessing was from the orphanage, said just pick her up.  I did and she arched her back and screamed "mama" and she wasn't talking about me.  My heart sank, the tears flowed from all of us.  It was painful to watch.  Finally, someone from somewhere gave us a sucker and that helped.  Brad took her and she seemed to calm down.  We signed all the paperwork, gave all the money we had prepared and off we went back to the van to head back to the hotel.  It seemed so strange walking out of the building with her.  No one stopped to look, no one smiled .  This was an every day occurrence to them I could tell.  Once in the van I held her back to the hotel with no more tears.  We were let off at the entrance of this fancy hotel with fancy cars that lined the parking lots and here I am walking through the lobby with a baby and no one stops to look, no one says a word.  It's a strange feeling!  Once back in the room I sit her down on the floor and gave her some toys.  She played and played with them.  At that very moment I knew that this whole thing was so much bigger than I had thought.  God played a roll in this, he guided me through, he gave me the strength to keep going and boy did he ever show me that he is faithful.  I began to take off layers of her clothes.  For those of you that don't know the Chinese people put several layers of clothes on their kids even when it's 70 degrees.  With each layer removed she got smaller and smaller.  At this point she would still cry if we tried to move her.  Finally I couldn't take it anymore and tried to give her a bath.  I had to pull my pant legs up and get in there too.  Once her pajamas were on she began to look down at them like she was so happy.  She loved having them on.  We ordered room service to keep from getting her out and then it happened......she laughed.  She thought it was so funny to take a bite and then let me take a bite. She does hoard her food in her mouth if she thinks that's her last bite.  I'm guessing for fear of not getting enough food.  That's something we will have to work on.  Once finished with supper she sit back down with her toys.  That's something else you can tell she loves.  She loves having all the toys and plays for hours with them.  She loves a little purse that one of my friends got her.....thanks Barb Rose!   Slowly she began to walk around our hotel room.  She wanted to see the bright lights out the window.  She wanted to follow me to get her clothes.  She wanted to play with Brad.  She is smart and funny!  She tip toes once she steps on a tile floor.  She loves her pajamas and toys.  So here I am typing again at 1:00 am while she sleeps right next to her daddy.  She is precious.  She is worth every tear I've shed on this journey.  She is the missing piece in our family!!  Thanks for all the prayers and well wishes.  Keep them coming!  

Thank goodness for a sucker!

She already loves her daddy!

This is a day to remember!

Outside of the building where we got her!

All the layers of clothes she had on.

Eating rice in the room.

My sweet GIRL!

In 12 hours I Will Be A Mom Again

This post is going to be straight from the heart as I sit awake in this quiet hotel room at 2:30 AM.  I look out the window and everything here in Guangzhou is quiet.  Most lights are turned off on the hotels, there are very few people hustling and bustling down the streets. The horns aren't blowing and the cars aren't racing from place to place.  My mind is going too fast to be able to sleep though I know I need sleep.  I will get my daughter today!  I still wonder if this go as I have anticipated?  Probably not....does anything that's worth talking about ever go as planned?  Where is she now?  Is she sleeping?  Does she know that she gains a family tomorrow?  Will I feel an instant connection to her or will it take time?  Will I be able to comfort her as she grieves?  Where is her mother at this very moment?  Is she awake thinking about her?  Deep down I don't have an answer to these questions.  I can make up something, but that wouldn't be the truth.  I have no idea how she will do, I have no idea if she knows what's about to happen, I have no idea how I'm going to feel when I see her today in person, I have no idea if she will accept me or if it will take time, I have no idea how her birth mother feels.  You see I'm not anyone special.  I'm not someone who doesn't have doubts and fears about this entire process.  I'm just someone who knew that our family wasn't complete.  Someone who knew there was a child out there somewhere who needed a family.  And so here I sit in this quiet hotel room with lots of questions and no real answers yet.  Some of these questions will be answered, but some will remain and may never be answered.  I do know one thing though, in less than 12 hours there will be one less child without a family and for that my heart is growing just a little bigger.   

Some pictures as we venture out of the hotel!

 

We made it!

We have made it to Guangzhou!  The 13 hour flight was brutal, but it is behind us thank goodness.  Richard our guide picked us up at the airport at 12:30 am and brought us to the Garden Hotel....oh my word! This place is awesome!  It's beautiful, the breakfast has anything you could want, the room is nice, there are lots of people willing to help.  Today is a down day for us so we...no really I decided I had to have a coke!  I needed a coke!  I can't survive without something to drink and I refuse to drink the 8.00 cokes in our room (if that's really the price....I can't read Chinese:).  So we set out on our first adventure and boy was it interesting.  Chinese people are pretty pushy, not saying that mean, but just as a fact.  I am learning to push back.  They go, go, go and well if you don't go you just might get pushed down.  We took lots of pictures but unfortunately I didn't have my IPad so they are all on my phone.  I will try to take it with me some so I can post them here.  I've skyped with the boys three times today and they seem to be doing okay.  Technology is amazing!  

Tomorrow is the day we meet Caroline Mae.  We have waited for this day for many years and to be honest I'm scared to death!  I look in the mirror and think what in the world am I doing here, will this work out, have we made a mistake?  You might think that sounds ugly, but its real feelings...maybe not for some but for me.  It really hits you hard when you check into your room and there in the same room as you is a crib.  We appreciate all your prayers as we count down the hours to our forever daughter and one less orphan in the world.   

View from our room.

A crib....Wow!  This is real!  

Is it really Christmas already?

The boys are all snug in their beds and Santa has come and gone for this year. This has been a different kind of Christmas for me because of having to prepare to leave for China just two short days from now. I usually love Christmas, love the shopping, love the movies, love the lights, love getting together, but this year it seems like my mind is just in a different place. I've tried to be here for the boys, but its been difficult and to be honest I've struggled with it a lot. I feel like I've let them down in some way. I guess you call that mom guilt and it seems like I've had plenty of that lately. On a positive note I'm getting close to being ready for this trip. This is our last Christmas without Caroline and for that we can celebrate! Wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!

A Snowy Weekend = Fun Times with Family and Friends

Okay so I'm a little late writing this, but I have been meaning to get back into blogging and I had my blog redone. I love it!! Anyway.....it snowed here on December 6th and school was out for the day and the following Monday. We have to make the best of the snow around here because we just might not get another one. We are very close to bringing home Caroline. I will be blogging about her and our travel arrangements soon!!