In 12 hours I Will Be A Mom Again

This post is going to be straight from the heart as I sit awake in this quiet hotel room at 2:30 AM.  I look out the window and everything here in Guangzhou is quiet.  Most lights are turned off on the hotels, there are very few people hustling and bustling down the streets. The horns aren't blowing and the cars aren't racing from place to place.  My mind is going too fast to be able to sleep though I know I need sleep.  I will get my daughter today!  I still wonder if this go as I have anticipated?  Probably not....does anything that's worth talking about ever go as planned?  Where is she now?  Is she sleeping?  Does she know that she gains a family tomorrow?  Will I feel an instant connection to her or will it take time?  Will I be able to comfort her as she grieves?  Where is her mother at this very moment?  Is she awake thinking about her?  Deep down I don't have an answer to these questions.  I can make up something, but that wouldn't be the truth.  I have no idea how she will do, I have no idea if she knows what's about to happen, I have no idea how I'm going to feel when I see her today in person, I have no idea if she will accept me or if it will take time, I have no idea how her birth mother feels.  You see I'm not anyone special.  I'm not someone who doesn't have doubts and fears about this entire process.  I'm just someone who knew that our family wasn't complete.  Someone who knew there was a child out there somewhere who needed a family.  And so here I sit in this quiet hotel room with lots of questions and no real answers yet.  Some of these questions will be answered, but some will remain and may never be answered.  I do know one thing though, in less than 12 hours there will be one less child without a family and for that my heart is growing just a little bigger.