Promises

Today was a special day as we got to visit the orphanage and see the spot where our precious Caroline was left.  Our day started with meeting our guide in the hotel lobby at 7:45.  We knew it was going to take two hours to get there and possibly more depending on the traffic.  I have mentioned it before and I will say it again, the traffic is crazy.  In China most kids don't ride in a carseat.  So here I am holding Caroline while our guide fights through the traffic at speeds of 80 mph.  We made it there finally safe and sound.  When we got there a lady came out to the car to greet us and let us know that Caroline's foster mom, who she has been with since July, was sick.  I felt a little let down because I wanted to thank her for what she has done for our girl.  She did spend over a year in the orphanage so we at least got a glimpse of life before us.  The ladies there were so nice and told us that she attaches to one person at a time.  We gave our donated gifts to them and they were so thankful!  Way to go Audubon!  Then it was time to tour the orphanage.  As we walked from room to room we saw kids that were dancing, coloring and playing outside in the courtyard.  The kids were so happy to see us and were very kind. Caroline did well until we went into the room where she slept.  She recognized it right away and began to cry and clinch my neck.  They showed us her bed and my mind immediately visualized her sleeping in that corner bed at night with no one there to kiss her goodnight or ease her fear if she had a bad dream.  It broke my heart for all the kids that remained in those beds.  The director then took us out to the courtyard where there were some kids who had some major special needs.  She told us that they were not adoptable or no one wanted to adopt them.  It was so sad.  Next, we went to the baby room where there were lots of cribs with bundled up little babies.  Most of these littles were not paper ready meaning they were not ready to be adopted.  I did see a little one who I knew had a family coming and I took pictures of him for His family.  He's precious!  They asked me if I would consider adopting again and showed me all the kids who were paper ready.  If I was not interested in any of them then they asked me to advocate for them.  I have to say that although my heart broke for all those left behind it was a nice place for an orphanage. The kids were taken care of, but nothing in there resembled a family and that is what every kid needs and deserves.   

The entrance to the orphanage.

The inside of the orphanage.  

A classroom inside.

The playground at the orphanage.  

The room where Caroline slept.

Her bed.  

This is where the people that work there live.

This little one is up for adoption.

This one too!  

The baby room.

So glad she has a family now!

The entrance when you walk in. 

The lady who walked us out.  She is part of the office staff and was so nice.  

It was now time to visit the spot where Caroline was found.  We searched and searched and finally paid a guy to guide us there on his moped.  I'll be honest and say it wasn't at all like I had thought.  I thought we would go there, we would all get out and I would have time to reflect.  The street was so busy that we barely had time to jump out and get pictures.  It was on a sidewalk facing the river.  

On the ride back to the hotel it was time for me to digest what had just happened.  Brad and I didn't say a word all the way back.  The car ride was complete silence.   I looked out the window at the smog and ran down apartments with clothes hanging over balconies and held Caroline tight.  I made promises to her, promises to her birth mother and promises to those kids left behind.  I promised to honor her mother every day.  Honor the fact that she gave birth to her.  I'm choosing to believe that she left her because of a medical need.  I'm choosing to believe that it was the hardest thing she had ever done.  I'm choosing to believe that she still grieves the loss.  I also promised that I would donate to those kids that were left behind, to think about them daily and to never lose sight of what I saw today.  I promised to never take my life and all I have been given for granted.  As I looked out that window I wondered where Caroline would be if we had not come, if we had not took the chance, if we had not followed our hearts?  Where would she be?  Where will the kids left behind be?